Saturday, May 12, 2012

Summer 2012 Free Skool Classes

DISCLAIMER: For more info on the actual New Orleans Free School Network, including their June class schedule, visit

The Greater New Orleans Disorganization of Anarchist Federated Affinity Conspiracy of Sellers of That Fire presents

SUMMER 2012 Free Skool Classes

What, y'all thought every pain-in-the-ass idealist had skipped town to beat the heat? Those days are over! We go HAM year-round; projects never falter not for a MINUTE. We keep it tight, tighter than the wind-up pocketwatch of an OCD steampunk.

Note: owing to inherent subjectivity of reality, everything may not be actual

Working With Dickheads

The true measure of an anarchist is not what she or he accomplishes, but the saintliness with which she or he can accommodate aggravating, ignorant dickheads in a group-planning situation. If there isn't room in your collective for every braying, unsocialized jerkoff with an (ill-informed) opinion and the desire to have his way, you're probably a terrible exclusionary snob and should join the nazi party. 

In this workshop we will use audiovisuals to strengthen our tolerance and patience, including multiple hours-long lectures delivered by unselfconsciously dickhead men on the topics of Rainbow Gatherings, Burning Man, the Anti-War Movement, The Battle in Seattle and the importance of abolishing the Federal Reserve.

Meeting times: 2-9pm on days you had other stuff planned
Location: Doesn't matter; they'll come find you

Making the Non-Profit Transition: A Workshop for Over-30s

Are you tired? No, I mean, really tired? You feel it in your bones, don't you? In your sinews. It hurts to sit on the floor. No-one you've met in the activist milieu has expressed sexual interest in you for years. You've worked so very, very hard. Perhaps it's time you made The Non-Profit Transition.

I mean, you've sacrificed so much of your life to this bullshit; why can't you maybe do something for yourself, as well? Is that so bad? Partnering with Shell just means you're hustling them for their money. You're being realistic; your critics are being naive/haters/too young to understand. This workshop is presented in a series of lectures, including:

-- Unlike You, I Deserve To Get Paid
-- Actually This Politician Is Basically On Our Side
-- You'll Want Health Insurance Too When You're My Age
-- I'm Going To Radicalize This Organization From The Inside
-- "Siri, How Do I Sell Out?" Embracing The Technology Fetish

Meeting Time/Location: All lectures are available as "TED Talk" Webinars to be viewed at your convenience on your iPad from the nursery room of your suburban ranch house.

Who Will Continue My Project?  Actionizing Third-party Follow-through in Townies

It can be frustrating that the year-rounders in New Orleans (to say nothing of the natives, who are as mythical and unapproachable as unicorns) don't appreciate your labor in setting up this "project" that's run for almost months. In this class we figure out ways to bribe, guilt or browbeat others into babysitting your useless vanity projects while you're off gallivanting around wherever-the-fuck, so that when/if you bother coming back to New Orleans your baby will be waiting-- and in the meantime, bragging rights will continue to accrue to you, the Founder!

BONUS Seminar: Please care for my dog while I go to Europe indefinitely.

Meeting Time: Really soon, because my flight leaves in two days!!!
Location: Flora's

When Collectives Disobey

Consensus works so well so much of the time, but occasions arise when no matter how old, how loud, how male and how much "scene cred" you have, even after you spend hours explaining the proper course of action, other members of your horizontal, leaderless collective simply refuse to do the right thing.

In this support group/skill share we work on techniques both to avoid such situations and how to cope when these crises occur. Makes a great complement to the "Talking Shit on the Internet" workshop-- why not stay for both?

Meeting Time: Wednesdays, after the Iron Rail meeting.
Location: A bar you used to like

I Heard She's A Cop: Calling Out Undercovers the Passive-Aggressive Way

Sometimes, you just kinda know somebody's a cop-- often, an undercover will coincidentally be someone you dislike personally, someone with whom you have a bad sexual history, someone who's calling you out for your own misbehavior, or someone whom your FBI handler has suggested you preemptively accuse as a way of keeping heat off yourself. We will study ways of getting your suspicions out into the community without ever having to stand behind them, in part via studying the medieval art of Witchfinding and its community-paranoia model of intuitive divination.

Meeting Time: The weekend, once everyone's had a few drinks
Location: Not sure I feel comfortable telling you.

Simple Goddamn Manners

Recent surveys have concluded, surprisingly, that the primary reason Anarchism has not flourished more in the United States is not because the populace are scared by it or unfamiliar with its tenets but simply because many anarchists are so intensely rude and unpleasant to deal with on an individual level.

Thus, this workshop will focus on diminishing the appearance of unwarranted adolescent arrogance by teaching skills such as Bothering to introduce oneself : Establishment of eye contact : Making small talk with people who aren't exactly like you : Expressing interest in other humans : Apologizing for mistakes : Smiling once in a fucking while : Reciprocating spoken greetings vs. reacting with silent suspicion and fear

Meeting Time: Never, because you already know everything
Location:  A "community space" that no-one from the community feels comfortable in

Accountability Processes Seminar

Part of life without hierarchical authority is accountability to one another. Accountability Processes are vital not only for community well-being, but to provide the proof that anarchism can function in practice. This seminar will cover how to convene, participate in and carry through long-term Accountability Processes.

Scheduling note: After the initial class, this seminar meets once more three weeks later and then never again.

Meeting Time: Participants will arrange via text message.
Location: Somewhere distant with no air-conditioning

Radical Feminism for Bros

Being able to pay lip-service to radical feminism has become a crucial skill for many CIS-gendered male anarchists in both their organizing work and their personal lives. This class will survey crucial works by radical feminist thinkers, enabling an accelerated amount of name-dropping for rapid establishment of radfem credentials. A portion of this class will be focused on how women fail to understand or practice feminism the correct way, so that participants in this workshop will later be able usefully to instruct the female-bodied persons in their lives, or at least bully them into compliance.

Meeting Time:  After the bike polo game
Location: A mixed-gender "feminist" household where women wash all the dishes

Life and Lyrics of the Vapo-Rats

Many locally know the inspiring story of this brave band's triumph over persecution and discrimination, but when all is said and done, far too little time has been spent getting to know and truly understand the band's deep lyrics or the profound personal perspectives informing them.

In this year-long immersion workshop, participants will study and analyze the lyrics, intentionality and opinions of this seminal local musical group. After a 12-month cycle of study and satisfactory completion of the final exam, students will be awarded a certificate signed by Bryan Funck permitting the bearer to make a single criticism of the band.

Meeting Time: TBD at the convenience of the Vapo-Rats
Location: a gated community in Old Metairie

Talking Shit On The Internet

Of course anything YOU weren't personally invited to help plan is fucked-- but how will people know that, unless you inform them? As New Orleans moves slowly into the 20th Century, radical organizing techniques from futuristic outside places become increasingly relevant. The most crucial of these, of course, is Talking Shit on The Internet.

While Facebook will be the focus of this workshop, we will cover a variety of topics including e-mail chains, strategic BCCing, Google Groups, quasi-anonymous blog posts and use of satire to conceal butthurt.

Meeting Time: After everyone else is asleep
Location: A lonely computer keyboard

Activism as Refuge

How can you possibly be expected to fulfill base-level social and interpersonal commitments in your private life? There's capitalism to be smashed! In this workshop, we explore activism as a means to avoid dealing with failing relationships, mental illness, unprocessed trauma and sundry other personal demons.

Meeting Time: The ongoing present moment
Location: Wherever you are, wherever you run to next


  1. everyone i know who is sharing this on facebook could easily teach the talking shit on the internet class

  2. do people think that the reason that nothing seems to change in new orleans, despite the many non-profits and liberals here, is because of the lack of RADICAL ACTION that gives them legitimacy in their demands on power, and gives them a threat to point to as a consequence of leaving things as terrible as they are right now and not making the reforms the liberals suggest?

    What do people think? I think this should seriously be thought about. The civil rights movement won it's gains because of the rioters in the streets that were a threat to power if nothing changed.

    Even MLK knew this to be true: "A riot is the language of the unheard."

    Well, we've been unheard in this city while the post-Katrina neo-liberal apartheid genocide of the poor here continues completely unabated as of yet.

    1. the above commenter obviously has no need for the "talking shit on the internet" course. in fact they could probably teach a course on the advantages of faking like your paying attention to make your canned anarchist response seem relevant to any and all topics.

  3. Funnest god damn thing I have seen in awhile. Thanks to the author.

  4. ^^^ beautiful^^^

  5. this is hilarious... and depressing. much love from california.

  6. put a skip back in my step.
    Much love from NC

  7. some of nola anarcha's authors probably wrote the textbooks for a few of these courses.

  8. If this were a female bodied person I would hit on it relentlessly and then talk shit about it when it didn't sleep with me

    what, I would sleep with it, it's a compliment, jeez

  9. Pretty Awesome. Put me down as facilitating an over 40 and bitter webinar.

  10. Thank you for forcing a smile onto my serious anarchist face.
    Much love from NYC


  12. Great. It made me think of all the other people (not me though) who fit into these categories. I don't know how I put up with them, quite honestly. ;)

  13. this is hilarious.

    love from chicago <3

  14. This is making serious-faced anarchists in London(UK) crack a smile now too...

  15. This post justifies the existence of anarchism.

  16. So funny & painful - much the same here in the UK

  17. This is hilarious but The Non-Profit Transition is kinda ageist. Frankly, most of the people I know who have done that are under-30s who only think they've been working for free forever.

  18. There are so many workshops that I would really like to attend!

  19. Part I: Rad Fem for boys
    Part II: Working with Dickheads
    Part III: recovery and healing trauma for cis-women and trans-women fooled and canoodled by rad fem/narcissistic men.

    Bittersweetly funny!

  20. Posting an apathetic "like" from my ranch house in Minneapolis. Shit, the baby just woke up, gotta go.

  21. This is genius. I'm in London and, unfortunately, these workshops are needed just as much on the other side of the Atlantic...

  22. I would ask you to marry me if marriage weren't a fucking evil kyrarchical institution.


  23. man, i'm choking on my oatmeal this is so funny

    *dies happy

  24. ACTUAL Nola Free School Network NOT taking summer break!

    If you have the time, energy, or sincerity within you, check us out / help us flyer.

  25. You people are deeply disturbed.thank you.

  26. holy shit! love love know, in a completely pro-fem, radical kind of way...........